i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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