Redeem this text for a blowjob
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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