you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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