Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
