I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
