I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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