Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
