bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
