For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't just leave with hair like that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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