All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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