if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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