We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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