i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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