hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
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judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
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Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.