apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.