"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.