i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.