i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.