I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."