I think I am morally bankrupt
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize