Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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