Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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