Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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