I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
