you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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