You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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