Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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