I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
