The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
