I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
