Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
