He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
