My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
