his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
FUCK WHALES
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
