I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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