Porn is love you can see.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
