i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
