I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
