i need an iv and a liver transplant
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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