You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
