he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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