woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
