i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
