last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
did i just pee glitter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
