Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
