please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
