I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
