so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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