How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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