Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
