I'm so fucking centered right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
