Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
