Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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