Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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