Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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