I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
