this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
