just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
