so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
