We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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