So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
