Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
