real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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