I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
