That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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