Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
