I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
