His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
