Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
