he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
