I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
