When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
