I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
