He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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