The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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