hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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