So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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