Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
