I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
