I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
